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Last minute travel to Philly for the weekend, cheap safe hotel to stay at? Not looking for luxury, just a place to sleep at night, can be on outskirts of city, safety is important though. Any ideas?

Need 3 tickets for North Carolina to NYC next weekend, what website is king for CHEAP last minute air travel?! THANK YOU KINDLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Need 3 tickets for North Carolina to NYC next weekend, what website is king for CHEAP last minute air travel?! THANK YOU KINDLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last Minute travel ideas? I'm trying to figure out a nice 3-4 day vacation i can set-up for my and my gf. The catch is i want to leave this weekend, or during the first half of next week, and i would like to keep it under about $600. I haven't been able to find any last minute cruises or anything like that....Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Which websites have good last minute travel deals? I'm looking for an inexpensive vacation for the Labor Day weekend. Most interested in Las Vegas, San Francisco, or Key West but will consider others too. Which websites have good last minute deals?

Last minute travels . com, is it trustworthy? I need to know right away if this website lastminutetravels.com is a trustworthy website. Their prices are great, but I need to know if all the seats are standby and maybe that is why the fare is so cheap. I Am trying to book a flight cheap for this weekend. So if you have any information about this site it would be greatly appreciated.

I.D. for travel ling from Canada to the US? Ok, I am aware that this is a long shot, but here goes. I am planning on going to New York this weekend, it was a last minute weekend get away planned by my friends. We are driving from Quebec, Canada to New york. My problem is, I can not find my birth certificate, with a large family things get lost, my little sister put my important papers somewhere but thats gettig off track because I am pretty frustrated. Ok, so this is all the I.D. that I have, An expired passport, it expired in 2001 An expired Medicare card, new one is in the mail, but wont be here before friday My LEARNERS driving permit (it has my photo on it, it allows me to buy cigarettes) My social insurance card A letter head note from my work stating that I have worked there more then six months (I needed this to renew my medicare card because I lived in the states for one year in 1999) I recently flew from Quebec to B.C. and for the plane my learners permit was enough I.D. but this is from Canada to the U.S. If someone could let me know if this would be enough, or give me a number where I could call and find out if this enough it would be very much appreciated THANK YOU IN ADVANCE :)

Should I travel with my fiance to attend the Marine Corps. Ball this weekend? Don't know if I feel like going. We have to travel 8 hours(he has to go either way) and we may have to bring our son-who is 7 months old, b/c I'm not sure if we'll be able to find a sitter. We weren't planning on going, but now at the last minute he asked if I want to go. Plus things are a little rocky between us (we had a talk last night and I told him I'm not sure how I feel about our relationship anymore...etc.) I don't know what to do.

I plan on travelling to Puerto Rico by myself (female) for the weekend of July 4th. Any recommendations? Hi - I need to get away. So I'm thinking of planning a weekend away (last minute, I know june 30 - july 4) for myself - no cell phone, etc. I'm mid-20's so I do like to go out. I like adventures, being active. I also enjoy a bit of nightlife. However, I am realistic and am open to any warnings about where not to go, what not to do as a female alone in a foreign place. Overall, I'm looking to relax and have fun and try something new. I would be very appreciative of any advice - where to go, where to stay, where to visit, what to see, what to do, what not to do... Appreciate any and all advice! Thanks!

Does anyone have good indeas for last minute vacations? Any websites to look at? I am looking to travel around valentine's day, and want to go somewhere cheap for a long weekend. I am leaving from Chicago.

What's the best site to find last minute plane tix? I am trying to find cheap plane tickets for either next weekend or the weekend after next from either of these aiports: SFO, OAK, SJC and I'm travelling to STL I am looking for either a package deal (with hotel) or just the plane ticket for under $400. If anyone can reccommend a good site that would be very helpful. Thanks!

Cheap Hotel Downtown Chicago-this weekend? Hi there, I am looking for a cheap hotel (under $200) Downtown Chicago, I would prefer the Loop, Magnificent Mile, or Theater District. Any recommendations? Any site that has last-minute deals? (I am traveling this Friday-Saturday) Thanks for the answers, guys, I found a great (brand new, 4-star) hotel for $169. I discovered the trick is to skip travelocity, hotels.com, etc., and go straight to the hotel company source, in this case Marriott.com.

Best travel Option to get from Toronto Ont. to Atlanta GA? I actually live in a small city near Toronto (Kitchener to be exact) but i'm just mentioning Toronto since most people never heard of Kitchener. In about... a week and 3 days if possible (if i can get the time off work) i want to go to Atlanta Georgia for a convention... Hey, i wanna see 2 certain actors there!! i was wondering with such short time and notice, what would be the cheapest travel method? especially since it's during Labour weekend. I don't care if it takes a day's worth of travel, or a 2 hour flight. should i try calling the airport constantly to see if there's a last minute cancellation?? I'm just looking for a way to save money.

Does this mean he is now my ex? I have been in a long distance relationship for about 2 months. We live 45 minutes apart. Every other weekend I travel with my 2 kids to his house and on the other weekends he tries to came to my house. Everything was great and going good and actually a little fast, but it felt right. Recently he has been completely different than when we first started dating. He was completely in control, happy, positive, confident, self assure, and now he is completely opposite! He calls me and sends me texts constantly all day and night. This Saturday at the last minute he decides to come to my house. He asked me what the plan was for the weekend, ai told him, he said it sounded good,and nothing was wrong. Sunday morning we wake up start getting ready and he decides that he's leaving. We weren't arguing or any thing he just up and left. He said have fun and kissed me for like a 1/2 second turned around and got in his truck. He didn't say good bye, love you, or call me later. We had agrued a little on Saturday when he first got to my place cause I had told him I was staying at my parents that weekend cause they watch my kids while I'm at work. They are little and I work late and usually stay at parents on those nights so I don't wake them. But my parent had offered to take my kids to him at my house early so I didn't have to go get them. So we weren't fighting about that anymore. He hasn't called me since he left Sunday morning and he hasn't returned my messages. So I figure this means he doesn't want to see me anymore. He did mention that he didn't really want to do what I had planned because he didn't want to share me with anyone and wanted to just at my house all day. The plan was to go to church and then to my parents for dinner. Both of which he has done with me before. From the second he got here Saturday all he did was make sexual comments to me and just wanted to go home and do it! We did and then in the morning it was the same thing but I didn't give it to him. Do you think that was the problem? FYI that is not all it takes for a relationship to work!

All the prices for veterans day weekend flights are ridcious; how can I get a good price? Any websites, last-minute, or in general that would offer good deals this close to travel?

I dream of going to New York. Its something I really must do but I'm not in a great financial position.? I dont care if its only for a weekend. Do you know anywhere that I could get a really cheap deal. Ive tried Last minute, Money supermarket, Travel republic etc but no still not cheap enough. I want a real bargain. Any ideas? By the way SPARKYSBANDIT I do have a full time job and a mortgage and two kids but thanks for being such a dick as to judge someones situation.

Moral doubts? We have met a six month ago. I notice he likes me a lot .It is very important because I couldn't have figure out that kind of stuff before. All day he try to seduce me.In that time I didn't find him attractive. After that we stay in touch trough internet. Last weekend I have traveled with my male friend(just friends) to his town. He welcomed me and gave me a big hug and kiss while he even didn't look at my friend. My friend( Dave) notice that guy(Mark) wanted to go in my room but he couldn't because Dave come(I call him to chat). Dave didn't know about him before.On the evening party last night I have dance, talk romantically , toch and kiss with Mark, Everybody else notice a big amount a chemistry between us. I like him also. On the end he aid that he doesn't remember anything because he was drunk.He have a girlfriend two minutes before he go. He took my number and promise that he will buy me something while he was in trip in Asia. What to do? forget him completely or continue this

Will I have fun in Bermunda? So I was looking for a good last minute deal for this weekend and booked a weekend trip to Bermuda. I just needed to get away for a weekend. Have had a pretty tough and stressful 9 months. I Think its a pretty good deal (3 nights hotel + flight for $430) Good deal, average or did I just get owned by travelocity? I am 23/male and will be staying at Grape Bay Beach Hotel. I have never been to Bermuda, let alone on a vacation alone but I love to party and will talk to pretty much anyone. I have travel experience including a 7 week long volunteer-tourism in Costa Rica. But I've heard mixed reviews about Bermuda. Does anyone know about the hotel I'm staying at? Any suggestions on places to go, things to do etc in Bermuda....And most importantly....WILL I HAVE FUN?

Need current info on Staybridge Suites on I-Drive? Planning a last minute dash to FL this weekend. Looking at Staybridge Suites and one of their 2 bedroom suites as potential acommodations. Most of the travel sites I've checked have slammed the place for being either under construction or in need of it! To be fair, the newest comment was posted last September. Any locals, or recent guests at this hotel, especially in one of the 2 bedroom suites care to comment. Quick! Thanks

I'm gonna be solo, and ideas on how to appear less lonely? I'm gonna be in puerto rico this weekend, but solo, due to a last minute cancellation. I know that I will get out and about, but at the same time most poeple, at least in the city travel with other people. a lone beautiful (;-) female is a rare site. Any ideas on how to blend in? I often travel solo, but my intention was not to be for this trip so it has caught me offguard. Im pretty confident and know I will run into people, but I am traveling to a more aggressive place as far as men's approaches towards single women which is why I ask. I will also be at a nightclub, with men predominantly and going through the whole men stalking you in a nightclub is not my idea of a good night. Basically how can you balance confidence, im fine by myself, with a don't mess with me kind of stance, lol.

Do you think our friends wife is cheating by what I tell you? She has been traveling out of town for weekend trips alone even without kids(to her families out of state) There always seems to be reasons for this and usually at the last minute. He has been saying stuff to my husband and I, my husband more. There are suspicions from what he says and he says it like he knows what these could be signs of. For example she came home or was leaving with new lingerie and she told him she was going to surprise him w/ it or something but it was in her travel bag. Now she has lost a lot of weight and as a woman and her friend I can tell she REALLY likes herself right now. My hubby and 2 of his other friends tried to just say Yes she is and than he asked me if I though so and I didn't say either way and said what does your heart say and he said "No" and I said O.K. but than after I overheard him with the guys still talking like he really thinks she his. I think he is in denial. I guess she's going again for the weekend in 2 weeks.

Need help to speak a few word in Korean.? I will be travelling to Seoul this weekend and need help for a few word in Korean. Sorry for last minutes. Cannot understand Spicy or not How much Any discount come back later

can some one who is good in math help me with my math? LOG OFF My Homepage My Courses Student # 50457691 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Examination Number 986033RR CONSUMER MATH, PART 2 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you have completed your exam and reviewed your answers, click Submit Exam. Answers will not be recorded until you hit Submit Exam. If you need to exit before completing the exam, click Cancel Exam. Questions 1 to 20: Select the best answer to each question. 1. John and Mary Billings own a condominium with an assessed value of $110,000. If the tax rate is 25 mills per $1.00 of assessed valuation, how much tax do they pay? A. $1,200 B. $2,750 C. $1,420 D. $1,840 2. John Davis makes $9.75 an hour. He works four hours on Monday, six hours on Tuesday, five hours on Wednesday, five hours on Thursday, and seven hours on Friday. What is his gross pay? A. $263.25 B. $269.98 C. $132.70 D. $174.20 3. Mary Palm's checking account had a starting balance of $785.63. She wrote a check for $57.00 for groceries and a check for $125.00 for a car payment. Yesterday she deposited $57.25 in her checking account. What is Mary's current balance? A. $660.88 B. $554.26 C. $796.38 D. $603.63 4. Suppose your bank honors a check for which you don't have sufficient funds in your checking account. This action means that you've arranged beforehand for a/an A. personal loan. B. overdraft loan. C. mortgage loan. D. installment loan. 5. Carlos Martin received a statement from his bank showing a balance of $56.75 as of March 15th. His checkbook shows a balance of $87.37 as of March 20. The bank returned all the cancelled checks but two. One check was for $5.00 and the other was for $13.25. How much did Carlos deposit in his account between the March 15 and the March 20? A. $48.87 B. $11.22 C. $125.87 D. $162.37 6. Phil Smith is a car salesman. Last week his total sales amounted to $27,650.00, and he received $1,382.50 in commission. What is his rate of commission? A. 4.8 percent B. 5 percent C. 17 percent D. 23 percent 7. Dawn Lingua bought three yards of cloth to make some curtains. The cloth was on sale for $2.25 per yard. How much did Dawn pay for the cloth if the sales tax was 5%? A. $7.25 B. $8.07 C. $7.09 D. $2.36 8. Jan Quint earns $7.00 an hour at her job and is entitled to time-and-a-half for overtime, and double time on holidays. Last week she worked 40 hours of regular time, 9 hours of overtime, and 12 hours of holiday time. How much did she earn last week? A. $524.50 B. $532.00 C. $542.50 D. $348.75 9. From net earnings of $740 per month, Ginger Elliott must spend $200 for her portion of the rent on an apartment she shares with two friends. What percent of her net income is her rent payment? A. 38 percent B. 27 percent C. 73 percent D. 32 percent 10. Lily Quinn makes $12.50 and hour. She works four hours on Monday, six hours on Tuesday, nine hours on Wednesday, three hours on Thursday, and seven hours on Friday. What is her gross pay? A. $325.50 B. $420.50 C. $362.50 D. $462.50 11. Eliza Savage received a statement from her bank showing a checking account balance of $324.18 as of January 18. Her own checkbook shows a balance of $487.38 as of January 29. The bank returned all of the cancelled checks but three. The amounts of these three checks are $15.00, $77.49, and $124.28. How much did Eliza deposit in her account between January 18 and January 29? A. $197.24 B. $379.97 C. $54.44 D. $201.12 12. Glenn Andrews recently bought a new motorbike for $3,950. If he had to pay 6 percent sales tax on the bike, what was the total cost of the bike? A. $4,187 B. $2,370 C. $4,010 D. $3,713 13. Jim paddles from one shore of a lake three miles wide at 4 mph, and John paddles from the opposite shore at 5 mph. How long will they travel before they meet? A. 27 minutes B. 20 minutes C. 1 hour, 24 minutes D. 3 hours 14. The gross income of David Vaughn is $785 per week. His deductions are $42.25, FICA tax; $90.33, income tax; 2% state tax; 1% city tax; and 3% retirement fund. What is her net income for one week? A. $628.77 B. $749.77 C. $605.32 D. $675.32 15. Victor Malaba has a net income of $1,240 per month. If he spends $150 on food, $244 on a car payment, $300 on rent, and $50 on savings, what percent of his net income can he spend on other things? A. 43 percent B. 64 percent C. 40 percent D. 300 percent 16. Juan Ramirez sells suits in a major department store on weekends. He earns a commission of 5 percent on the first ten suits, and if he sells more than ten, he earns an additional 3 percent on the additional suits. Last weekend Juan sold thirteen $250 suits. What was his commission? A. $260.00 B. $147.50 C. $185.00 D. $210.40 17. The gross income of Ginger Hughes is $215 per week. Her deductions are: $15.16, FICA tax; $29.33, income tax; 2% state tax; 1% city tax; and 3% retirement fund. What is her net income? A. $57.39 B. $202.10 C. $157.61 D. $170.51 18. Rob Polanski is a tractor salesman. Last week his total sales amounted to $38,642.00, and he received $2,704.94 in commission. What is his rate of commission? A. 7% B. 5.9% C. 6% D. 8.4% 19. Alice Correa bought three yards of cloth to make a dress. The cloth was on sale for $1.93 per yard. How much did Alice pay for the cloth if the sales tax was 5 percent? A. $6.08 B. $2.02 C. $5.82 D. $5.79 20. What is the reading in kwhr of the electric meter shown in the exam figure below? A. 9742 B. 1641 C. 0631 D. 1732 If you experience technical difficulty while taking this exam, wait a few minutes and follow the instructions on the FAQ. Copyright & Terms | Privacy Policy

Lost and Confused, please help? Hello, I am at the point where i dont know what to do anymore with my relationship. I am 36 and my girlfriend is 28. She has 3 beautiful daughters i have been able to be a part in their lives. Weve been dating for 6 months, she has lived with me for 3 of those now. I understand it seems fast, but everything seemed perfect. I work thru webdesign and pc repair, and bring home decent pay. She worked at different factory jobs and was doing minumum wage. No biggie to me, she was happy and money doesnt mean much to me, i look for more important things in people. Ok, here goes...when i started to notice there was a problem was when she started her most recent job 2 1/2 months ago. She just lost her previous job when she got sick with strep throat. This job of hers has her working 2nd shift, 3 pm to 3 am, 12 hour days, 6 days a week, with 2 hours of travel to and from work. Her hourly wage is alot more also, so she likes the extra cash. We talked before when she was at her 2nd shift job she used to have, and she quit to get a 1st shift job so she had more time with her kids. Ever since she started this job, our relationship has really done a downward spiral. We used to laugh all the time, she was always so affectionett to me, always sitting by me close and holding my hand. Our sex life was great, even though her ex really did horrific things to her in her marraige. Now she is always too tired, or some other excuse. Its almost completely gone. She used to never snap at me or have a look of disgust on her face when we talked. She has compared me to her abusive ex, and ive never hit her or would ever strike a lady, im a man not a loser. When she rejects me when we start to become intimate, it really hurts me. Sometimes i just roll over and suddennly she wants to again. Heres the problem...I feel like i cant say anything to her without her not wanting to talk about it, or getting angry. She told me out of the blue 2 weeks ago, her marriage is still on. She never finished filing for divorce. Her husband is in prison for a very long time. She lied to me, i would have never fallen for a married women. But now its too late, im too far involved and too much has been put into this relationship. I forgave her, i really did, i admired her for being able to get that off her chest as she tends to keep things in alot. After that, things started to get really bad, she used to call me from work and hate it when the bell sounded because she had to go, now her 10 minute breaks we talk for maybe 2-3 minutes and she always has to go for something. Then i caught her in another lie last weekend. She told me she was getting out of work at 11 pm, and was excited because after all the 12 hour days, you get time from work. She normally gets home at 11:50 or 11:55. She arrived home at 12:55 am, 1 hour later then she has ever been. We have a gps system on our cells, and i located her in the same area for 45 minutes. She came home and explained she used the bathroom at the gas station and talked to the girl running the register for a while. Note, weve always told each other our plans. It bothered me because i called her a few times and no answer. I was concerned at the time she may have got in a accident as she doesnt get much sleep. The next night, friday, she got out at 11 again, but didnt call me on her way. Again, my gut felt funny and i went and used the gps system again and seen she was on the highway heading home, i just though it was odd she didnt call, she has always called on her way home. 12:05 came around and now i was getting concerned from the other nights suspicions. I tracked her to the same spot again for 45 minutes or so. I called and left messages asking her to call so i knew she was ok. She called me back at 12:20 am saying she just got outta work and will be home soon, one big lie. We talked till she got home, i never let on i knew. When she got home, she was acting all cheery and asked if i wanted sex. I asked her again, when did you get outta work, she said midnite again. I asked again and said i know you got out at 11 pm. I then confronted her with print outs of where she was. She broke down crying, saying she feels like shes having a nervous breakdown and doesnt have any friends to talk to. She and a guy from worked Bob, maybe 50-55 years old, she said a father figure type, sat in a gas station parking lot and she said all she did was cry. I told her i didnt care if she had friends and needed to talk, just not to lie about it. She said yeah right...like i was her ex that abused her. She seems to compare me to him alot, makes me feel i have to be me and not him at the same time. We talked for a long time and she is in such bad shape, she thinks shes not pretty, smart, or deserving of love. She even suggested we stop seeing each other. Im not going to give up on her like others have in her life and told her that. I then told her i forgave her for lying to me, she said she wasnt looking to be forgiven, whatever that means. She told me she doesnt know anymore if she wants to spend her life with me anymore. That really hurt hearing that. The next day, Sunday, we spent at her mothers, and then to her sisters. She acted like she still wanted me, she held my hand and squeezed it again. She put her head on my shoulders at her moms. She kissed me in the car passionately for the 1st time in a long time. Then yesterday, i had things really eating up at me. I found this site and look at warning signs. She had alot of them. Now monday came and she got home at normal time, 4:00 am, and she asked me to set the alarm for 5:30 am so she could see her oldest before school. She then said she wanted to bring her to school, then her youngest to school, which wasnt till 12:00 pm in the afternoon. She said she had things to do, but then said later she was going to drop one off, sit in town, drop the other and go to work really early. After hearing that, i asked to talk to her and just spilled all. Told her how much it hurt when she said things like that and past things to meto me, and how she makes me feel like im worthless. We ended up cuddling, i had my arm around her and she slept on my arm. She is the one who moved over to cuddle. During the night, my arm was dead and i had to move it, she felt it move and grabbed it and held my arm to her chest. %:30 am came around, and i went to wake her and she didnt move or want to get up, so i made sure her middle child and oldest got ready for school. Went back to bed and cuddled again. Got up and got her youngest to school and again, cuddled back in bed. She slept till 12:30 pm, which made me feel better anyway. Why would she say she was going to do those things, then dont do it? Im thinking she wanted to hurt me or something again. Today i decided to let her call me, to see if she would. she did, and we even laughed a few times. She is really a great girl, shes had so many issues from childhood to that ex that abused her mentally and psycally. Here were my flaws...I would get upset when she kept rejecting me for sex, it really hurt because i thought i was disgusting and rejection hurts. One time i said, i was going for a walk, honestly i really was to cool down i live on a lake and walks are nice. She took that as i was going to cheat on her if she didnt have sex. And i admit, at times i did use that to get sex, but not all the time. Then another time, her oldest is starting to fail some classes, she told me she misses her mom and wishes she was home. She said that 4-5 times now to me. Her youngest 2 act up alot, and always ask wheres Momma. I work at home if i didnt mention that before. When my gf called at lunch, we had a heated talk, and i asked her if she was still looking for a 1st shift job, and she said no. Then i told her what her kids have been telling me, and she needed to be here and this job is hurting her family. She then said she likes where she is (even though she can barely move every morning) and wont do 1st shift. I then broke up with her and hung up. I realized then, i made a mistake and told her then phone hung up before i finished my sentence, i know i shouldnt have lied, but i paniced. She said she got sick the rest of night at work and almost lost her job (that and previous crying episodes i knew nothing off till this weekend). I told her this weekend, i was truely sorry, and i have learned from my mistakes and wont make them again, and honestly, i have. Is there still a chance for us? I love this girl and her children, her children really love me too. I see things like last night how she held me close and wouldnt let go as she still thinks of me as her lifemate. Thanks to all who respond, i really need to know what to do.

Group airfare? How can we bring down the price? My fiance and I are considering throwing a last-minute New Year's Eve wedding. We know that many of our East Coast friends will not be able to come because of the short notice. Our fear is that the people who want to come won't be able to afford it because airfare around that time is SO expensive. I've checked all of the big online travel sites and visited Jet Blue and Southwest since they usually have the lowest rates. But I'm not having any luck. Does anyone know how we can get a group of people from NYC to Los Angeles for a long weekend and at a reasonable price?

Do Summer Flings Last ? I say NO Am I wrong ? Two of my friends and I have noticed a strange phenomena. We were all seeing different guys casually during the Springtime. I was seeing two different guys and was taking it slowly. Nothing physical like sex just getting to know them an dhave fun. Well as Summe rhas moved on they have both bugge dout on me and are MIA Same thing has happened to my friends. Not a big deal cause I have self esteem & dont regret not jumping on them as boyfriends. But is this some weird thing that happens with guys during Summertime ? My friends and I contacted are missing beaus late this weekend. Each and every one of them has paired up with girlfriends in last 2 weeks. Im thinking these are just Summer flings though. Boys gets lonely and horny during hot Summer nights and want fun easy girls. Am I right or wrong that most of them will be Single again come Autumn ? A friend who does Marketing for personal ad site said the biggest uptick in New Memberships is after Labor Day and after New Years Additional Details 9 minutes ago Am I on to something here ? Should I reconsider either guy if thye show interest in me again in September ? I have been busy with work and traveling for vacation so I can understand each of them looking for girlies who are easy lays.

GUy likes me apparently but there has been no contact!!!? Hi Just asked this but added stuff. This guy that likes me and I finally hung out and told each other how we felt about each other a couple weeks ago...we were kising and cuddling and all theat cute stuff...When I saw him at my gym during the week, he suggested hanging out on the weekend, and even said that he would love it if we could, then texted me at the very last minute the day of saying he was slammed for work. I have not had one cal or text from him since... My Friend saw him in our gym a week ago and asked him if we had spoken or hung out and he said he wants to see me and felt REALLY bad and that he didn't want me to think he was blowing me off..but he is travelling for work and "doesn't even have time to sleep" I know his job is really good and keeps him busy, but is this typical of a guy who likes a girl? He was always really short and weird over text message, and it turns out that he actually liked me, so I don't know..I KNOW he's single, and he's a little wierd..what's up

Ladies,would you date me if you knew me? I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. But I have not yet gone to college. Apparently some of you lack any sense of humor...im hardly vain. Intelligent, perhaps. the rest of you...wooo hooo!! love ya!

what is this? I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. But I have not yet gone to college.

How long to let a baby cry it out ? (does it take a few days or weeks?)? At 10 months, our son has learned to stand & now will not go to sleep without being rocked or nursed- this just started a week ago & it is taking over an hour to get him to fall asleep. He used to lay in there, play, then go to sleep... now we put him down, he pops right up & sreams. He also wakes up 2 times a night to nurse, but is eaing plenty in the day, & doesn't nurse much at all, just wants me around (I think). How do I go about doing this? How many days does it last? We have company coming this weekend & next but then we have to travel, so I thought I should just do it now. Any suggestions? (I don't want him to be crying when the company is here- I hate for them & him to have to go through that during a visit). Thanks. (PS- he is also doing this for naps). Additional Details 6 minutes ago He doesn't take a bottle (never did), just a cup with a straw or nursed. I think I tried the NO CRY SLEEP SOLUTION book, but it seemed to promote rocking, co-sleeping, ect.. and we don't want to get into a new habit of that. Also- as soon as we pick him up after he has cried for a few minutes, then when we hold him, he starts "playing" with our faces, ect... and gets excited again. 4 minutes ago We have a very consistant schedule: Dinner, walk, snack of cereal, bath, breastfeed, book with daddy, then bed (until he started not wanting the "bed" part this week)

I ask Democrates, are we going to stand for the Left wing doing what the are doing?Glenn Greenwald?

Is this the longest joke in the world? If not, please post it.?

Tragedy on the side of the road . . .??? I just want to get this out there into the world somehow. . . STOP STARING AT ACCIDENTS, FLAT TIRES, ETC ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD CAUSING HUGE TRAFFIC JAMS ON THE HIGHWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LAST NIGHT IT TOOK ME AN EXTRA 30 MINUTES TO GET HOME BECAUSE OF A HUGE TRAFFIC JAM ON A MAJOR HIGHWAY -- I thought it was because it is 4th of July weekend (Sort of) and people wanted to go away for the weekend -- NO -- it was because a trailer carrying a boat had a flat tire and was disabled on the side of the road. .. .and EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THEIR CARS felt it NECESSARY to stop and stare at it!!!!! As soon as I passed the boat traffic was moving just fine again and there was no more congestion and I travel to and from work all week - I see stuff like this all the time and it's VERY ANNOYING!!!!!!!! People staring are taking time away from me to enjoy my life at home with my man! My question is how does it benefit your life to stare at other people's misfortune on the side of the road?

What should I do now? How could I (Gemni)get him (Virgo)to contact me or meet up again?

elvis alive? The only time I feel alive... is when I'm in front of my audience, my people. That's the only time I really feel like I'm human." "Long after I'm gone, what I did today will be heard by someone. I just want them to get the best of what I had." (Elvis Presley) Is Elvis Alive ? There are many reasons to believe that Elvis Presley is dead. When the only arguments to believe otherwise come from crazed fans and supermarket tabloids, it is easy to dismiss the possibility that Elvis is still among us. However, the circumstances surrounding Elvis' alleged death are quite mysterious and beg closer attention. As it turns out, there are many concrete reasons to believe that Elvis is still alive. The Gravesite. Elvis' name is misspelled on his headstone. Elvis' full name is Elvis Aron Presley, but on his grave his middle name is spelled incorrectly with two a's. His father would not have let this happen. When Elvis was born, his name was misspelled on his birth certificate, and his father went to great lengths to get it put right. The unique spelling of Elvis' name was important to his family. Elvis' current "resting place" is in between his father and his grandmother and not next to his mother where he had adamantly requested. It is doubtful that the people close to him would allow these things to happen. Elvis is a superstitious man, enough so that he wouldn't tempt fate by putting his real name on a tombstone, or violate the ground next to his mother until he was ready to be placed there for good. Death Certificate. Elvis was very vain, and he was embarrassed about his recent weight gain, an astonishing 50 pounds in the month before his so-called death. Even though he weighed about 250 pounds at the time of his "death," his death certificate lists him at a spry 170 pounds. The original death certificate disappeared, and the current death certificate is dated two months after his alleged death. The Wax Body Theory. This argument is very convincing when the facts are considered. Elvis' coffin required several pall bearers because it weighed 900 pounds. Attendants of the funeral reported that the air around the coffin was rather cool. It is suspected that the coffin contained an air conditioning unit to keep a wax body cool, a wax body that was a replica of Elvis designed to fool funeral-goers. And how did the Presley family get a 900 pound, custom made coffin ready for a funeral that was held on the day after his death? It takes a lot of time to build such an elaborate coffin. And why was the funeral so quickly? Some say that the immediacy was intended to make it as difficult as possible for the people who were Elvis' biggest fans to attend the proceedings. It could be a concern that they might recognize the flaws in the wax replica. Elvis was an 8th degree black belt whose hands were rough with calluses, yet the body in the coffin had hands that were soft and pudgy. The body in the coffin had a pug nose and arched eyebrows {unlike Elvis} and most importantly, one of the sideburns on the "corpse" was loose and falling off. A hairdresser later reported gluing the sideburn back on the body. Unusual Behavior. Two hours after Elvis' death was announced publicly, a man who reportedly looked remarkably like Elvis purchased a ticket for Buenos Aeries, paid in cash, and used the name John Burrows: the same name Elvis had used as an alias several times before. Elvis had a few books that were considered to be his most prized possessions. He had a bible, several pharmaceutical books, books on death, and most importantly Chiro's Book of Numbers and The Autobiography of Yogi which I will explain more about later. After Elvis's death was announced, these books disappeared and were never recovered. In the weeks preceding his alleged death, Elvis' actions were not those of a man who was about to embark on an extensive US tour. He ordered no new suits despite having gained 50 pounds since his last tour, and he bid "adios" at his last show in Hawaii. He had never done this before. Adios, like the French adieu, has the significance of being a final good-bye as opposed to an "I'll be seeing you on my next tour" kind of good-bye. Others were intrigued by Elvis' decision to sign a lucrative TV deal with NBC that would cover the tour. It was unprecedented for a network to pay such a large amount up front, in cash, for such a deal. Many wonder why Elvis even agreed to the deal since his vanity discouraged him from making public appearances due to his weight gain. RCA showed uncanny and unbelievable foresight by mass producing millions of Elvis' current and previous recordings and merchandise. This is standard practice for an act that is about to go on tour, but the numbers in this case were beyond reasonable expectations. The announcement of Elvis' death caused record sales to skyrocket. Elvis did other unusual things that created suspicion. First, he fired several employees that he had relied upon for a long time. Also, two days before his alleged death, Elvis telephoned a friend of his named Miss Foster. He told her that he wasn't planning on going on the upcoming tour. She asked him if he had canceled it, and he said that he had not. When she asked if he was ill, he said that he was fine, and that she should not ask any more questions or tell anyone anything, and that she should not believe anything she read. He told her that his troubles would all soon be over, and that he would call her in a few weeks. The author of Elvis Where Are You? writes that Miss Foster took a polygraph test regarding this story, and that she was not lying. The day after Elvis' alleged death, a woman named Lucy De Barbon, a former lover of Elvis, received a single rose in the mail. The card indicated that the flower was from "El Lancelot." This had been her pet name for Elvis, and it was a name that no one else knew. Flowers can't be sent from beyond the grave. This was Elvis' way of letting her know that he was not dead, even though he didn't want to be found. Chiro's Book of Numbers. Elvis had a fascination with numerology, an interest he fed by reading Chiro's Book of Numbers. The theory that Elvis orchestrated his death is further supported when considering the significance of the date of his alleged death. The date in question is August 16, 1977. By adding the numbers in the date, 8, 16, and 1977, you get 2001. This is the title of Elvis' favorite movie in which the hero plans his immortality in the bathroom. Elvis spent a considerable amount of time doing the same: planning his afterlife on the toilet.. Elvis spent so much time in the bathroom that he had his toilet converted into a reclining comfy chair. Coincidentally, the bathroom is also where Elvis' body was reportedly found. Given Elvis' religious beliefs, he had a fascination with things that come in threes, for example, father, son, and holy ghost. The sum of the digits from his favorite film (2+0+0+1) is three. Let's consider the triad of the repetition of the number 24. 2001 (favorite film) less 1977 (year of death) is 24. The two numbers from the day of death (8/16) when added up equal 24. The sum of the digits in the year of death (1+9+7+7) also equals 24. That is 3 occurrences of the number 24 which is divisible by 3, and when divided by three the result, 8 has a perfect cubed root (2x2x2=8). Elvis loved numerology, and when you consider the numeric significance of the date of his alleged death, it is clear that if indeed he did plan to fake his death, he could not have chosen a better date. Reason Elvis had many reasons to fake his death.It has been said that Elvis' life was in danger. He had recently lost $10,000,000 in an airplane/real estate deal with a California based organization called the "Fraternity" that had links to the Mafia. It is speculated that he corroborated with the government to expose the organized crime ring in exchange for protection, perhaps in the form of a new life and identity compliments of the Witness Protection Program. Elvis was a prisoner of his own fame. He had many other reasons to leave his life behind. Because of his incredible popularity he recieved several death threats, and he was concerned about the safety of his ex-wife and daughter. Sometimes when he wanted to leave Graceland he would send look-alikes out to distract would be followers. Elvis was also known to ride in the trunk of someone else's car to avoid being seen. Once, when he fell ill in Las Vegas, he couldn't get proper medical attention because the hospital was overwhelmed by fans. At the time of his alleged death, Elvis thought he was nearing the end of his career. He saw his self as 42 with greying hair, overweight, and he thought his voice was starting to weaken,. He was going down hill, and he was too proud to go out with a whimper. He would never want his fans to see him in such an unhealthy condition. Elvis had shown a fascination with death on several occasions. In the days leading up to his alleged death he was reported to have visited funeral homes at odd hours of the night with close friends. Was he doing research? Elvis once faked his death by setting up an elaborate shooting in which a would be killer fired blanks at Elvis who had a blood pack which he discharged. It was Elvis' intention to see how the people closest to him would react to his death. Perhaps what he learned convinced him to do it for real. Finally, one of Elvis' favorite books is the spiritual Autobiography of Yogi. One of the central themes of this book is the relinquishing of one's wealth and earthly possessions to achieve spiritual oneness. Elvis could do this, as well as address his other concerns of sanity and safety by faking his death and living in exile. Means. Elvis had the means to fake his own death. He is accused of destroying himself with drugs. In reality, Elvis was a pharmaceutical expert. He took a lot of drugs, but he knew what he was doing and was extremely careful. He knew what drugs he could self-administer to create a deathlike state. Also Elvis' experience with the martial arts was such that he could slow his heart rate and breathing in order to feign death. Elvis' manager, Colonel Tom Parker, had once created a new identity for himself. He came to America as an illegal immigrant from Holland, but through various connections managed to create a new identity complete with a passport, birth certificate, drivers license, and social security number. He would have known how to give Elvis a second life. Aswell as Elvis' ties to the government through his testimony against the "Fraternity", Elvis was known to interact with the President of the United States. He was reported in government documents to use the name John Burrows as an alias when he wanted to travel. Some people believe that Elvis worked for the government as a drug agent. He did, after all have extensive contact with many people in the music business who, as we know, tend to dabble in illegal substances. And, of course, we must allow that Elvis' connections to the government gave him access to the Witness Protection Program. If they can turn the Simpsons into the Thompsons, they can relocate anybody. Orion? Many believe that Elvis couldn't have given up performing completely. Just imagine, after a while the desire to perform would grow once he started his life in exile. The story of Orion supports the theory that Elvis attempted a secret comeback. Shortly after Elvis' alleged death, a masked singer by the name of Orion emerged on the scene. He was big like Elvis, and he sang just like Elvis. Because of the mask no one could tell his true identity. One fan described seeing Orion from near the stage. She claims that Orion left the stage between songs, and when he appeared moments later the sweat was gone from his armpits and back and she thought that his costume looked slightly different. After the song he left the stage, and the original Orion returned. Another fan described how she rushed into a tour bus at an Orion show only to see two Orions in the back of the bus. She claimed that one ducked into the bathroom before she could get a good look at him, but he appeared to look like Elvis Presley. What's even more remarkable is the fictional story called Orion that was written by Gail Brewer-Georgio about a legendary performer who had several identities and wanted to fake his death. The story was written and submitted to the William Morris Agency for publication consideration after Elvis' alleged death and before the real Orion ever performed. As it turns out, there are many ways in which the real Orion mimicked the events as described in the book. For example, the performers' managers had the same name. Also, without knowing it, Brewer-Georgio wrote of events in Orion that had actually taken place in Elvis' life. It was a case of life imitating art. Picking up the Pieces. In 1981, 20/20 did an investigation into the circumstances surrounding the alleged death of Elvis Presley. The investigative report was very convincing. Oddly enough, within two weeks of the report, the singer, Orion, disappeared and was never heard from again. The book, Orion disappeared from shelves across the country. It had been recalled by the publisher which was associated with the William Morris Agency. Incidentally, the William Morris Agency is the same agency that represented Elvis. It seems that Elvis Presley is worth more dead than alive. By faking his death and relocating with a new identity he is safe from his fans and the "Fraternity", the government can make a solid case against the organized crime ring, and RCA, Elvis' family, and Elvis' management can all reap immense financial benefits from the attention. That is... except for one benefit....after nearly 25 years no one has collected on his life insurance policy. Why ????? During his last concert tour in 1977, Elvis spoke of "not looking good tonight", but, he would look good in his coffin. He made comments of being tired of living as he was and how it was going to change. He told of how he would like to be just himself instead of an "image". On August 16th 1977, at 8:00 A.M., Elvis told Ginger Alden that he was going into the bathroom to read. (This bathroom/lounge had it's own back entrance.) For the next six hours no one saw him. Elvis signed for a special delivery letter at 9:30 A.M. At 2:00 P.M. Ginger Alden found the apparent body of Elvis lying on the floor in front of his chair, where he had been reading. She called Al Strada who in turn called Joe Esposito. George Nichopoulous (aka Dr. Nick) was then telephoned. Joe called the fire department, unit 6. The ambulance arrived at Graceland at 2:33 P.M. Paramedics administered CPR, despite rigor mortis. The body was taken to Baptist Memorial Hospital at 2:48 P.M. By 3:00 P.M. Elvis' family members and friends were informed of his "death". Public announcement was given at 3:30 P.M. August 17th, the body was brought back to Graceland for family viewing. The public viewing was from 3:00 P.M. to 6:30 P.M. On August 18th,1977. Tennesse Governor Ray Blanton ordered flags to be flown at half-mast for the duration of the funeral procession. At midday the Graceland gates swung open, a white Cadillac hurse rolled through them, followed by sixteen white Cadillac limousines. QUESTIONS BEGIN How could it take twenty minutes for paramedics to drive sixteen blocks to Graceland if the call came in at 2:33 P.M.? The Medical Examiner's Report states that the body was found with rigor mortis, while the police report states "unconcious". Why would anyone try to give CPR to a rigor mortised body ? The ME report listed the body as weighing 80 pounds lighter then Elvis' actual weight. How could Elvis have passed a physical exam just prior to August 16th if his heart was so enlarged ? How could he have played raquetball for several hours on August 16th, just before his "death" ? ABC's 1979 program on the cover up of Elvis' death stated that all the stomach contents were destroyed. Bill Burkin in his book Elvis World states that officials at Babtist Memorial Hospital had assured him that the stomach contents had been shipped to a California lab to be examined and then on to a lab in Utah, and then ? There are rumors of Elvis' "death" being caused by a heart attack, drug overdose, suffocation in carpeting, suicide and even cancer ! Persons in attendance at Graceland at the time of "death" don't agree on the color of pajamas Elvis was wearing or the posistion of the body. Why did Vernon ask many people NOT to attend the funeral but to come a week later ? Why did Vernon refuse to accept the flag which is usually given to dead war veterans ? Why didn't Elvis have any new jumpsuits made during 1977 ? The handwriting on the death certificate matched Elvis' own writing ! Elvis was very aware of which presribed drugs did not mix well with others. Elvis had glaucoma, and Dexedrine, a drug not to be taken with that condition, was listed as being in his system. Who would prescribe it and why would he take it ? Whose body was autopsied ? Funeral homes don't usually keep solid copper coffins in stock. These coffins weigh in the area of 300 pounds and usually take two months to receive once ordered. This coffin seemed to have been ready. Monte Nicholson, a nineteen year veteran of the Los Angeles Sheriffs Department, wrote a novel called The Presley Arrangement. This novel tells the story of a body that is autopsied, a man resembling Elvis. The man had died of cancer. The body is later returned for private burial, to the man's own family. The man's family are paid to remain silent about the incident. Nicholson explains a government connection. In a 1989 radio interview Nicholson said that even if he knew there was an FBI connection and was told not to say anything, he COULD NOT say. Nicholson also claimed that if he knew the answer to the question, and says he does, he will not disclose his knowledge. He said that if Elvis is alive that his book is pretty close to the truth of what REALLY happened. Was Elvis a DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) agent ? Elvis can be seen wearing a DEA Staff jacket in several photographs, including one taken in June of 1977, approximately six weeks before his "death". Also Elvis was wearing a jogging suit with the DEA logo on it during the early morning hours of August 16th 1977. When Elvis met with President Richard Nixon he said he had been "studying" the drug culture for over 10 years, he could get into any culture group and be accepted. Elvis said he had gotten alot from the country and he wanted to repay in some way. It would have been a dangerous job and one that an entertainer such as Elvis would not have HAD to do unless he chose to. Many DEA agents pose as "drug users" and "pushers" in their undercover work. Elvis could get to anyone if he appeared to be a "user". In the book Elvis: What Happened? one of the guys wondered if Elvis was ever as whacked out as he seemed to be. Maybe he is a "great" actor after all. Perhaps he deserves an "Oscar". Death threats were issued against Elvis and his family. Those who had leveled those threats had actually broken into Graceland. At times, the FBI were called. Deputy Narcotics Director John Finlator arranged for Elvis to come to his office under the name of John Burrows. Finlator didn't want to give Elvis a badge but the President reversed the decision. On December 21st of 1970, Elvis met with President Richard Nixon in the oval office, Washington, D.C. Elvis had written a letter requesting a meeting and expressed his concerns about the drug culture, hippie elements, the SDS and other groups who were against the establishment. When Finlator finally gave Elvis the badge and promised to issue him consultant credentials, Elvis was overcome with emotion and his eyes became misty. Ten days later he met with the FBI. On the same day, President Nixon wrote Elvis a thank you. Elvis wrote to the President and said, "I can and will do more good, if I were made a Federal Agent at large, and I will help out by doing it my way." Elvis was known to be in his bedroom for weeks, seeing no one. (There was a back staircase at Graceland.) Elvis could sneak out whenever he needed to. Department of the Treasury-Bob Pritchett says that during the years of '74, '75, and '76 "Mr. Presley provided one of our undercover agents, who was a musician, a job cover. Undercover agents appear to have other occupations. None of Elvis' group of friends knew of this agent and the role he played in setting up his cover. Since he had an undercover agent in his group from '74-'76, when did he find time to use drugs himself? Elvis was very good at keeping secrets and living a "double life". Elvis spoke with President Carter two weeks before his death. It involved aid to a friend. On August 16, 1977, President Carter issued this tribute: "Elvis Presley's death deprives our country of a part of itself. He was unique and irreplaceable. More than twenty years ago he burst upon the scene with an impact that was unprecedented and will probably never be equaled. His music and his personality, fusing the styles of white country and black rhythm and blues, permanently changed the face of American popular culture. His following was immense and he was a symbol of good humor of his country." This was a formal statement, when a celebrity's death is usually only commented on. He had spoken to Nixon and Carter both shortly before the day he died. In the September 1988 issue of American Karate magazine, Ed Parker tells of a time when a terrorist group threatened Elvis' life to make him an example of how they could get to famous people. They threatened to plant a bomb in one of the gifts offered to Elvis at a concert. This was a threat as long as he was "alive", and his family were targets also. Elvis always had law enforcement officials around him. John O'Grady, who was earlier in charge of NARC Divisions of the LAPD, was one of them. He also hired Dick Grob, a former sargeant with the Palm Springs Police. He was surrounded by at least two lawmen in top security positions. Elvis was in danger. The "hoax" may have been the only way out! History will prove Elvis to be an American hero beyond being an American entertainer. SIGHTINGS With all the Elvis lookalikes, he could actually walk around using disguises and get away with it. Who would be looking for him anyway, when he is supposedly dead? Before 1977, there was an "Elvis lookalike, sound alike" at a Memphis theatre. Elvis put on his best "Elvis outfit", strolled in and mingled with the clones, doing his best "Hey, baby". Afterwards, he came back to Graceland laughing. He tried out and lost! Elvis and his mother's bodies were moved to the Meditation Gardens for burial, after three men tried to break into the crypt. Graceland was rezoned to permit burials at the estate. In the 1989 Orion's "Farewell to the King", the King says "I died once. I had to be willing to give up everything, even the will to live." The last recording session at Graceland was The Last Farewell. There have been many sightings at various places including Graceland. There are some escape routes at Graceland that people don't know about. In a syndicated newspaper across the nation on June 5, 1990, an article headlined "Elvis Lives, At Least On Census Form." The Census Bureau reported in 1990 that Elvis returned a questionaire to the bureau office in Huntsville, Alabama. It was noticed by census workers who were screening forms for completednesss. Late Night with Ross Shafer (August 1988) had a survey that showed that out of 30,000 people polled, approximately 84% believe Elvis is alive. On Monday, August 22, 1988, Harold Schuitmaker, in an item of the Detroit News, said "Elvis is Alive and Living in Kalamazoo." Schuitmaker was a well known Michigan politician and resident of Paw Paw (15 miles from Kalamazoo). The masked singer Orion was at the McMinnville Civic Center and a fan said that she felt that the man onstage and the one who signed autographs were different people. People have reported that someone sounding like Elvis called them on the phone and some hung up because they couldn't believe it. A book titled Elvis: Where Are You? came out of Wilton Manors, Florida around August, 1982 under the name of Al Jefferies. The premise of the book was that Elvis hoaxed his death. Kelly Burgess, a former assistant editor and feature writer with the Detroit News, claimed to have seen Elvis in Kalamazoo, Michigan. She is not living now. In 1988, Heartbreak Hotel starred David Keith as Elvis. (The film had the support of EP Enterprises.) A soundtrack album thanked Jerry Schilling and a special thanks to J.B. In 1987's Robo Cop, a cop is killed, but didn't die. He returns as Robo Cop-a superman hero. It was filmed in Michigan. During that time radio stations got calls from a man sounding like Elvis Presley. There have been lots of sightings there and it was also on his final concert tour. Is this possibly a "message" film? March 18, 1990, an article on Robo Cop, in the Detroit News told of Robo Cop speaking to a Boys and Girls club against drugs. It was a three month long anti-drug campaign organized by the FBI, Orion Home Video of New York, and the Boys Club of America. This Robo Cop was not the same actor as in the movie-his true identity was not revealed. he was a special agent helping the FBI fight the war on drugs. His suit was bullet-proof. During filming, some people saw a man looking like an older Elvis. In Mac and Me, a film from 1988, a young alien is lost and at the end the family drives away in an old pink Cadillac convertible. A balloon caption says "We'll be back". The sound track is on Curb Records, which is the same label as "Spelling on the Stone". There were some song lyrics which were: "Tired of being myself, being different from everyone else, somehow you knew I needed your help, be my friend forever. I never found my star in the night; living my dream was far from sight." There was a scene in the movie where Eric asks Debbie "Why didn't you tell him that you saw him (the alien)?" She says, "Because no one would believe me." Elvis has become a mythic figure, and there have been frequent rumors that he is still alive. Elvis remains the single most influential and respected figure in the history of Rock music. Elvis was the first Rock/Pop singer to have a single record sell a million copies, the first to go platinum with an album in less than two weeks, the first singer to pre-sell a million records before it's release, the first entertainer to earn a million dollars for one concert performance, and the first young, white, southern male to bring international attention to the importance of black rhythm and blues. He was the first singer to get a million dollar screen contract. He was the first music personality to have a TV performance broadcast worldwide via satellite. In 1993, he became the first rock'n'roll star whose picture appeared on a commemorative U.S. Postal stamp (the largest stamp printing in history). Elvis is a landmark in almost everyone's life, going back to distant memories of watching him above the waist on Ed Sullivan or hearing "Hound Dog" for the first time. His image continues to mesmerize: witness the appearance of 200 Elvis impersonators at Liberty Weekend in 1986. There was a time when he was merely the most popular entertainer in history. He is more than that now. He is a symbol of America as recognizable as the flag. Elvis opened the 'window of his soul' to his fans all over the world. Thank you, Elvis! Remember you are always on our minds. "TCB FOREVER! Any Comments on this ? E-mail Me i found this on the internet weird

How would you rate this daily routine? Boring? Interesting? Let me know what you think! I wake up promptly at 7 AM. I do exercises, usually pushups, crunches, and stretching. After that, I get shower and get dressed. Then I eat and read newspapers for about 30 minutes. Around 8 AM I walk to school, which takes about 30 minutes. I then spend a couple hours in the library. I have classes from 10:30 AM until 4 PM, which includes a couple of hours for eating lunch with friends and more reading. After my last class, I exercise for an hour, usually running, swimming, or weight-lifting. I am starting marathon training, so I will spend a little more time there over the coming months. A couple days a week I teach an English class for immigrants, which takes all evening. Other nights, I go back to the library or sometimes go to a movie or show. I get home around 9 PM and have dinner, then read and go to bed. I usually travel or have friends visit on the weekends, which keeps me pretty busy then.

Collection of jokes? Collection of jokes There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and got on it again. Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it. He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help. The hottest girl said , "If you fix our car we will do anything you want." The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash. When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr." After thinking for a short while he replied, "Could you hold my camel?" A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple whom also seemed to be in disguise. The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog. After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music." "Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog." A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436." A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5, 000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35, " was the reply. "I'm actually 47, " the man says happily. A little while later he goes to McDonald's for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "I'd guess that you're 29?" "Nope, I am actually 47." He's starting to feel really good about himself. While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your penis for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age." As there was no one else around the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47, " Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonald's". A young couple on the brink of divorce visits a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife what is the problem. She responds " My husband suffers from premature ejaculation." The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?" The husband replies "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me." A little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. "Why do you want cider?" asked Mom. "To take the pain away, " sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little girl immediately put her hand into the drink. "It doesn't work!" she yelled. "What do you mean?" asked Mom. "Well, " sniffed the little girl, "I overheard my sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider." A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make theguy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport, " he asked? "Fifteen bucks, " came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver. John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife's side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into the room and asked him to' Bring this note to your beautiful Mummy.' The note read: The Tent Pole Is Up, The Canvas Is Spread, The Hell With Breakfast, Come Back To Bed. Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son to 'Bring this to your silly Daddy.' The note read: Take The Tent Pole Down, Put The Canvas Away, The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage, No Circus Today. John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply. Then, he asked his son to take it back to 'The lady in the kitchen'. The note read: The Tent Pole's Still Up, And The Canvas Still Spread, So Drop What You're Doing, And Come Give Me Some Head. Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to 'Take this to the poor man upstairs'. The note read: I'm Sure That Your Pole's The Best In The Land. But I'm Busy Right Now, So Do It By Hand! Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have sex!" And so they did. As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!" And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!" There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him. First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw. Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off. The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw." The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming." A couple were having financial problems until finally they couldn't stand it any more. The husband said to his wife that is was necessary for her to make some money through prostitution to get by. So the husband drove her to the place where she had to do the job and in the evening he picked her up again. "So, how much have you earned today?" the husband asked. "Well", the woman responded, "I've made one hundred dollars and fifty cents." "That's strange", the husband responded, "who gave you the fifty cents?" Said the woman: "All of them, of course!" Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them." Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES" The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it, "He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago." Doctor, the embarrassed man said, 'I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.' 'Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.' So, the worried fellow returned with his wife the following pad. The doctor greeted the coupled and then said, 'Please remove your clothes, Mrs. Thomas.' The woman obliged and removed her clothing. 'Okay, now turn all the way around... Now, lie down please... Uh-huh, I see. Alright, you can put your clothes back on.' While the woman was busy dressing herself again, the doctor took the husband aside. 'You're in perfect health,' he said to the man. 'Your wife didn't give me an erection either.' Jack and his friends were playing golf one Saturday. As they are getting ready to tee off, a guy walks up and asks if he can join them. The friends look at each other, look at the guy and say, 'Sure.' About two holes into the game, the friends get curious about what the guy does for a living. So they ask him. The stranger tells them he's a hitman. They all laugh. The guy says, 'No really, I am a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag. I carry it everywhere. You can take a look at it if you like.' So Jack decides to check it out. He opens the bag and, sure enough, there is a rifle with a huge scope attached. Jack gets all excited and says, 'WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look?' The hit man replies, 'Sure.' So Jack looks and says, 'YEAH! You can see my house! I can even see through the windows into my bedroom. There's my wife. Wait, there's my next door neighbor! And he's naked too!' This really upsets Jack so he asks how much it would be for a hit. The hitman replies, 'I get $1000 every time I pull the trigger.' Jack responds, '$1000? Well, OK, I want two hits. I want you to shoot my wife right in the mouth. She's always nagging at me and I can't stand it. Second, I want you to shoot my neighbor in the penis, just for screwing around with my wife.' The hit man agrees, gears up and looks through the scope. He's looking for about five minutes until finally Jack starts to get really impatient and asks, 'What are you waiting for? The hitman replies, 'Relax..... I'm about to save you a thousand bucks!' A little boy goes up to his father and asks: 'Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?' The father replies: 'Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500, 000.' The boy goes and asks his mother: 'Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500, 000?' The mother replies: 'Hell yes I would!' The little boy returns to his father: 'Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'' The father then says: 'Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500, 000.' The boy asks his sister: 'Would you have sex with your principal for $500, 000?' The sister replies: 'Hell yes I would!' He returns to his father: 'Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'' The father answers: 'Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores.' A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, "How about a blowjob?" "What! Are you crazy!" "Don't worry, it will be quick, " he ensures his girlfriend. "No! Someone might see us..." "It's just a small blowjob, " he insists, "and I know you like it." "No! I said no!" "Baby... don't be like that." "Come on baby pleeeeaassseee" "I'm not going to give you a blow job" "Why Not...baby it will be quick I promise?" Suddenly, the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks, "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come downstairs and blow the guy himself... but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom." Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to find his mother taking a bath. He points at her bush and asks, 'What's that Mommy? 'A little embarrassed, she tells him that is her sponge. Tommy is satisfied with that answer and goes back to playing with his toys. Some time later, Tommy catches his mother in the shower shortly after she has shaved her bush for bikini season. Tommy asks her, 'Where is your sponge mommy? 'Again embarrassed she tells him that she lost it but will probably find it soon. Tommy is a little worried and promises his mommy that he will help her find it. His mother says OK and goes back to showering. Soon, Tommy comes running back in and says that he has found his mother's sponge.' What do you mean you found my sponge? "The lady next door has it and she's washing Daddy's face with it!' This story occurred on Melbourne radio last week. One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this: Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game ? Brian: Yeah, sure. Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex? Brian: Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning. Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian ? Brian: Hmmmmm .... about 10 minutes. Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it? Brian: Ohhhh , I can't say that. Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian ! Brian: O.K. ... O.K. ... On the kitchen table. Presenter: (and others in the room - much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife ? Brian: Yeah, alright. Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you ? Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks. Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say hello. Sharelle: Hi Brian. Brian: Hi Sharelle. Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali. Brian: Just tell the truth Honey. Sharelle: O.K. Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex ? Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio. Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them. Sharelle: O.K. ... About 8: 00 this morning before Brian went to work. Presenter: Good, nice start ! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle ? Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes. Co-Presenter: That's close enough ... Brian was just being a gentleman. Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it ? Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no. Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here. Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway.. just tell em. Sharelle: Ohhhh .... alright .... Up the ass ! Radio Silence A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet 3 inches tall, 385 pounds, 12 inch penis, 2 pound left testicle, 2 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy faints away and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, gently slapping his face and shaking him, "Are you alright?" In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say?" The big dude says, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions almost everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet 3 inches tall, 385 pounds, 12 inch penis, 2 pound left testicle, 2 pound right testicle, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn Around'. What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse? What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of? What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it? What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k? Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman? What does a dog do that you can step into? What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands? What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat? What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages? What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married? ANSWERS: 1. (talk) 2. (legs) 3. (a twenty dollar bill) 4. (firetruck) 5. (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt) 6. (pants) 7. (fork) 8. (Almond Joy candy bar) 9. (grit) 10. (last name) A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill." The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the clerk. "I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house." the man replies. The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off." The man takes another look through the scope and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!" A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog." The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!" "Look! We're going fishing and that's final." "Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!" "Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW JOB.... 3 or you take it up the ass!" The wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!" "Wife I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!" The wife sits and thinks about it. Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, "Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?" The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "O.K. I'll give you a blow job!" "Great!" He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, "Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all shitty!" "Yes!" says her husband "The dog didn't want to go fishing either." A guy goes to the tattoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1, 000 to put a $100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this. The man replies, 'I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.' So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis. So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tattoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie. So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: 'First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it.' It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words, " he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well, " she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea." One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice. Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?" "Nope, " replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."' A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid, " she thought as she fell. "What a way to die." As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?" "No!" she shrieked, aghast. So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked. "Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too. The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic. "Slut!" he said, and dropped her. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?" He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."

pain killer addiction? Iam a 22 year old housewife and in the last year I had 3 surgeries due to a car accident. The doctors fed me painkillers left and right and now Iam totally dependant on them. I go without 2 or 3 days and the withdrawals are horrible! Iam strong one minute and weak the next. I KNOW Im addicted and I KNOW I dont want to be! Yet I know 4 doctors in town that if I call them I can have pain killers in my hand within the hour. PLUS u can actually get them ON LINE with a credit card!!!! This thing I have become is NOT me and I miss me so much, my hubby travels for his job and is only home on weekends so he knows I take them but doesnt know I take 16 to 20 a day! This is my 3rd day without them and Im really dying for them BUT I refuse to do it! Anyone else that is addicted to these little white pills? GOD!!!!

pain killer addiction? Iam a 22 year old housewife and in the last year I had 3 surgeries due to a car accident. The doctors fed me painkillers left and right and now Iam totally dependant on them. I go without 2 or 3 days and the withdrawals are horrible! Iam strong one minute and weak the next. I KNOW Im addicted and I KNOW I dont want to be! Yet I know 4 doctors in town that if I call them I can have pain killers in my hand within the hour. PLUS u can actually get them ON LINE with a credit card!!!! This thing I have become is NOT me and I miss me so much, my hubby travels for his job and is only home on weekends so he knows I take them but doesnt know I take 16 to 20 a day! This is my 3rd day without them and Im really dying for them BUT I refuse to do it! Anyone else that is addicted to these little white pills? GOD!!!!

You know You're in College When??? Another long one guys but hey its all for the good! Enjoy!!! You Know You're in College When... Type: Just for Fun - Inside Jokes Description: You know you're in college when... 1. High school started before 8am, but now anything before noon is considered “early." 2. You have more beer than food in your fridge. 3. Weekends start on Thursday. 4. 6am is when you go to sleep, not when you wake up. 5. You know many different ways to cook ramen noodles or macaroni and cheese. 6. The health center gives out free condoms, and people take them… just in case. 7. Instead of falling asleep in class, you stay in bed. 8. You know how late McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Qdoba, etc. are open. 9. You think it’s the weekend on a Wednesday and you don’t know what month it is. 10. You can't remember the last time you washed your car. 11. Your underwear/sock supply dictates your laundry schedule. 12. You check Facebook/Myspace more than once a day. 13. You get drunk dialed on any night of the week. 14. You wash dishes in the bathroom sink. 15. You’ve fallen off a loft bed. 16. You talk about beer pong like it’s a sport. 17. Finding random people in your house is perfectly normal, and you even sympathize with them... sometimes when you wake up you have no idea where you are. 18. Your primary news sources are the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. 19. You open a beer at 10 am and your roommate asks you if there’s more. 20. The standard of meals per day falls to two, sometimes just one. 21. Your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn’t. 22. You go to Target or WalMart more than 3 times a week. 23. You wear the same jeans for 13 days without washing them. 24. Your breakfast consists of a coke or cereal bar on the way to class... anything with caffeine will do. 25. Quarters are like gold. 26. Your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some ramen noodles. 27. You live in a house with three couches, none of which match. 28. You try to study but seem to procrastinate by eating, going to study breaks, talking to people, etc... 29. You talk to your roommate on instant messenger when you’re both home. 30. You ask people what YOU did last night. 31. Certain things are now deemed "facebook worthy." When friends take pictures of you, you wonder how long it will take them to post them. 32. You’ve seen a hit and run involving a bicyclist/pedestrian. 33. You see people you know you’ve met but can never remember their names or how you know them. 34. You sleep more in class than in your room 35. Your idea of a square meal is a box of Pop-Tarts. 36. You've traveled with bags of dirty clothes. 37. You go home to do your laundry because you're too poor to pay the $2... or too lazy to go to a change machine. 38. You pay $100 for a book you don't read once, return it four months later, and get $7. 39. More than 20% of your household furnishings are made from milk crates. 40. You recognize the meat in the dorm soup as yesterday's meatloaf, and thus decide to eat a nice bowl of cereal - a safe bet for any meal. 41. You use words like "thus" (see #40). 42. You throw out bowls and plates because you don't feel like washing them. 43. Your beer pong table is nicer than all your other tables. 44. It takes preparation... and 3 people... to take out your garbage. 45. Going to the library is a social event. 46. You wear flip flops in the shower your freshman year... you know why. 47. You start joining clubs because of the free food. 48. Visits home depend on how much money you have for gas. 49. You skip one class to write a paper for another. 50. You have no idea where your tuition money is going... technology fees? I think not. 51. Bicycles don't seem as lame as they did in high school. 52. You stay up late to finish homework then sleep through the class in which it was due. 53. Girls: You've balanced your foot on a shampoo bottle to shave. 54. Your backpack is giving you scoliosis. 55. You've written a check for 45 cents or stopped to get $2.00 of gas. 56. Your bill in the bookstore will be comparable to tuition. 57. Going to the mailbox becomes an ego booster/breaker. 58. Most of your T.A.s are foreign...what's the deal? 59. You never realized so many people are smarter than you. 60. You never realized so many people are more dumb (aka "dumber") than you. 61. Western Europe could be wiped out by a terrible plague and you'd never know, but you can recite the last episode of your favorite show verbatim. 62. Care packages rank right up there with birthdays. 63. You craft ways to make any game into a drinking/stripping game. 64. You meet the type of people you thought only existed in movies. 65. Printers break down only when you desperately need them. 66. Anything can be cooked in a microwave. 67. Two words: bike cops. 68. You have Safe Ride programmed into your phone. 69. Old school Nintendo... and guitar hero... are pretty much the best things ever. 70. Going to the grocery at midnight is completely normal. 71. You call restaurants that deliver more than you call your own family. 72. You've paid bills over $5... in coins. 73. You can't imagine life without your computer/cell phone/ ipod. 74. Hoodies and sweatpants become the norm - jeans are considered "dressy" at certain occasions... like school. 75. A canceled class is almost as exciting as Christmas. 76. Taking a nap in the library is perfectly acceptable. 77. Your professors speak English... as a second language. 78. Your teachers swear in class and no one cares. 79. Candles in your dorm room are considered contraband, but cigarettes are ok. 80. You take condiment packets and napkins from fast food restaurants - hey, they're free. 81. Betta fish are like your family. 82. You bring back socks from the laundry room that may or may not be yours. 83. You know what people carrying suspiciously heavy backpacks after dark are doing... 84. The elevators take forever but you'll wait 10 minutes just so you don't have to climb stairs. 85. Your roommate asks you to check the weather on your computer when they're standing 5 feet away from the door. 86. Showers become more of an issue. 87. You press the automatic door opener instead of simply grabbing the handle when you approach a door. 88. Christmas lights seem to be acceptable all year round. 89. Class size doubles on exam days. 90. You donate plasma even though you know it's pretty sketchy. 91. You are no longer thankful that fire alarms are here to protect you. 92. You've bought Christmas presents from the book store and charged it to your student account so your parents pay for the gifts because you're too broke. 93. You begin to include ketchup on your list of acceptable vegetables. 94. You stay on campus for hours in between classes when it's too cold to walk home. 95. People have to help you kick the vending machine just so you can get your 50 cent bag of chips. 96. There's always a "question kid" in at least one of your classes, and you really wish someone would just tell him/her to shut the hell up. 97. You steal dishes from the cafeteria so you don't have to wash your own. 98. Laundry is an all-day event. 99. You no longer find it uncool to take naps. In fact, you quite enjoy them. 100. It's illegal to drink in the dorms yet they sell an assortment of shot glasses, beer mugs, tankards, etc. in the bookstore. 101. You find your list of acceptable napping places expanding daily to increasingly uncomfortable locations. 102. You fill out credit card applications for the free food. 103. You've eaten cereal out of a cup... with a fork. 104. Dressing up for Halloween becomes cool again. 105. You know at least one person who has dropped his/her cell phone into a toilet. 106. You hang multiple shirts on the same hanger to save space/money. 107. You become increasingly annoyed with the "old" people in class - props to them for going back to college but they generally ask really, really annoying questions. 108. You admire people's alcohol bottle shrines. 109. You set your clock 5-10 minutes ahead so you can potentially make it to class on time. 110. You eventually realize that setting your clock ahead makes no difference to you and you're still late. 111. You check ratemyprofessor.com (or something of the like) before choosing your class schedule. 112. You text faster than you type. 113. You only find out a class is cancelled after you get there and sit for about ten minutes. 114. You actually start using coupons, especially those school coupon books. 115. You open canned food and eat it... out of the can. 116. You run out of black ink and, instead of buying a new ink cartridge, decide blue is a nice substitute... adds a little flair. 117. You have numbers in your phone with labels like “Sketchy Steve” and “Alcohol Guy.” 118. The food in your fridge may or may not be older than your little brother. 119. The words "google" and "wikipedia" have become verbs. And you use them... quite often. 120. The names Morgan, Jim, Jack, and Jose could aptly describe either who you were with last night or what you had to drink. 121. You fill your empty two-liter bottles with pop from the school cafeteria. 122. You have a drinking buddy who can hold the most intellectual, deep conversations when drunk. Unfortunately, neither he/she nor you can remember most of it later. 123. Your floor has been dirty to the point that you've had to brush your feet off before putting on socks or getting into bed. 124. You're all for the free samples at grocery stores. 125. Energy drinks become your new best friends. 126. You realize that taking summer classes pretty much negates the fun connotation of "summer." 127. You know exactly how much food will fit into a mini-fridge. 128. You realize that said mini-fridge does NOT freeze ice cream. 129. You've made a sandwich on or eaten food off of your $1500 laptop. 130. Your scar stories involve alcohol and/or hearing what happened to you from your more sober friends. 131. You finish reading this and wonder how you can procrastinate next.

Please help a very tired mommy? I'm losing my mind! My 10 month old son travelled to India with my husband and I. While we were there at least one person always attended to him. Usually there were three or more. He was not made to sleep, if he cried he was picked up and either played with, fed, or rocked. This went on for a little over two weeks. We returned this weekend. The time adjust has been hard on all of us. I have returned to our regular routine. However, my son refuses to nap or sleep. Every time I lay him in his crib he screams. I do let him cry it out. But, last night after three hours no one was getting any sleep. After waking up at one and having a short nap in the car while we went for breakfast he slept in his crib for 30 minutes. He also won't let me out of his sight. Any ideas on how to get my good baby back? I'm also nearly four months pregnant and very exhausted...

Last last minute deals on air fare? My wife and I would like to travel somewhere this weekend. She gets off of work today at 5pm and we are willing to go to the airport, with our bags packed and fly pretty much anywhere. I remember a long time ago, different flights would DEEPLY discount their tickets if you were there like an hour before take off. Do they still do that? Can anyone recommend how I could go about getting the cheapest flight prices for this weekend? way! they use to be called X-fares and they were primarily used by college kids and transient types that could fly at the drop of the hat. my buddy flew somewhere for $99 when the ticket was orginially $400. sure, he had to wear a flight attendant uniform or something, but who cares.

Where to go in Europe? I am in Italy right now.... It is amazing! BUT..... I am alo on a budget. I have been here for a week and I am trying to fit as much in a possible... My sis is living here for six months and I only have two weeks to fit it all in! Ok, so in the last week I have been to Milan, Varese, Tuscany wineries, Tuscany Band B, Cinque Terre... i am going to Venice tomorrow.... Now we were going to Paris over the weekend but after figuring out finances we cant afford it... SOOOO where should we go... weather has been completely horrible... we were think Coatia but we dont know alot and it is kinda pricy... we need last minute plans b/c we want our last weekend to be great... $1000, NOT EURO two people, travelling from Milan area of Italy would love to be on water or something very amazing!!!! Have a car!!! Please leave any advice!

I am paranoid! Do you think my favorite Escort is cheating on me? Like clockwork over the past three years, my "personal friend" Bambi and I have had a "personal appointment" every Tuesday at 3pm. It's basically a late lunch hour for me. 25 minutes travel each way, 5 minutes for business to be settled and 5 minutes for our "project". However, the last few weekends Bambi actually was running late, and seemed a little distant. She even said I should call Alphonso at the office to schedule a later time next week. WTF? I'm pretty trusting, but I think she may be seeing another man! How do I bring this up? Do I put a note in with the $20's next time?

Is it rude to book 2 hostels for same night, and then cancel one the day I go there? I would never want to be disrespectful or dishonorable towards the hotel proprietors. However, I'm unexpectedly traveling to New York City this weekend, and it was damn hard to find a place at the last minute which would accept a single guest for a single night. Moreover, neither of the 2 places I booked takes credit cards, so all they took was my name and phone number, and they only took my phone number when I insisted! So these confirmations seem somewhat sketchy. For me, the safest course is to arrive in NY, go to the 1st place (situated right beside the bus station), and if they no longer have a vacancy, then go to the next place (way out in Queens). But is that indecent or dishonorable, or somehow unfair to the hotel proprietors? What do I owe them, out of common courtesy? I don't want to be rude, but I also don't want to end up sleeping in Central Park! Thanks for reading. :-)

GUYS!!! Can I please have you opinion about this situation? I am in a LDR. My bf lives 2 & a half hours from me. I go visit as much as I can, but he hates to travel, & thinks I live a million miles away, & hasn't been here yet. Last weekend he went dirt biking with 2 guys from work..they went an hour & a half from his house. I didn't talk to him at all last weekend. He told me last night that they went to 2 strip clubs while they were there. He said he didn't have fun bla bla bla. I told him that I was upset about it cuz "he had time to go see a bunch of naked girls, but could't call me". He got defensive and said "I didn't kno I had to check in". I told him it wasn't like that at all and he made mention that "I'm not his boss"...I told him I wouldn't ever try to be, & that I didnt mean he had to "check in" but that if we saw each other more often I wouldnt care about talking on the phone. Then we were talking about trust, & I asked if he trusts me...it took him a minute (which is normal..he always thinks b4 he talks) and he said "trust u how?" (Sorry this is so long!) I said "in any way.....do you think I'd cheat on you?" He said no, then asked if I would. He stressed that he didnt have fun at the strip club & added that he "could have got a lap dance"...I think he was basically saying that it could have been worse. Should I be upset about it? He said the 2 guys he was with, that 1 was married, & 1 had a gf. Should this bug me so much? Should it bug me that he acted like I was attacking him? I trust him, it's not that at all...I just dont get why he can make time to go to a f*cking strip club..AND TWO, AT THAT...but can't call me?

3 math problems...? WashingtonDC usually sees 13% of its population travel during Memorial Day weekend. If this year only 12% of the population is travelling, how many fewer of its 590,000 residents will be travelling this year than travelled last year? (The population in 2007 was 588,000.) Steve and Renae are taking a Memorial Day trip to Omaha, NE. If Omaha is 240 miles from their home and Mapquest says it will take 3 hours and 35 minutes to get there, what is the average speed, in mph, at which Mapquest expects they will drive? Express your answer to the nearest hundredth. Unfortunately, Steve and Renae hit traffic on the drive down to Omaha. The trip that was supposed to take 3 hours and 35 minutes took 4 hours and 20 minutes. By what percent was their actual average speed slower than the average speed Mapquest predicted? Express your answer to the nearest tenth.

Has anyone heard of the cruise line imperial majesty? I am looking to book a cruise should i go with Royal C? I am going on a trip for 4th of July weekend to the Bahamas with my fiancee and we are trying to keep the cost down, my travel agent suggested "Imperial Majesty" but i looked at the reviews and it looks like its bad