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Is there any way to do this without being tacky?

I know some of you guys are going to be haters on this subject, but I am getting married May 31, 2008. This is both our second marriage, but my first marriage was when I was 19 and lasted a couple months (did not have a wedding) and his first marriage lasted 7 years and she cheated on him twice. So anyway, we are having a wedding w about 100-150 people. Between the two of us, we have four children (one for me, three for him) so instead of a honeymoon, we are doing a family vacation to california (where my whole family is from) to do the disneyland/sea world/universal studios/ and san diego zoo package. We will all be out there for about 12 days. We own everything we need for a house, etc, so i was wondering if there is any appropriate way to suggest monetery gifts rather then the normal/traditional wedding gifts? I know they do honeymoon registries, so we were kinda hoping to get money to help pay for our honeymoon/family vacation instead. I do not want to be tacky though.
We are saving up for it. We are going to be buying a house around February of that year as well, so we are having o save up for both. All I am saying is that we really have EVERYTHING that you would get from a traditional gift, so it would be nice to recieve money to make the trip a little easier. Otherwise, I am not sure what people could ge us anyway.
Told you some of you would be haters. "If we didnt have the big wedding, we could afford the vacation" For one, we could afford the vacation, it will just be tight. Second, I AM NOT PAYING FOR MY WEDDING. my parents are. My first marriage was a stupid mistake and they know that. After that marriage, I went to college, got my education, and raised my daughter completely on my own, and paying for her to be in private school to get the best education possible. I work hard, and when I announced I was engaged, they were exstatic and asked me if they could give me the wedding they always dreamt of giving their only daughter. So stop being jerks to me, damn.....I wanted to know if I could do his without being tacky, I wasnt saying I am poor, and everyone HAS to give me money. why do you guys act like that is what I am doing?

Public Comments

1. People will say it is tacky but have some family members pass the word all around to let people know if you put it on the invite it might look tacky so do word of mouth

2. is there a way to set up a registry for the Disney tickets? work friends once had a registry set up for one item and we made a payment towards that. i would look into that and see if that is possible.

other than word of mouth from other people, there is no direct way to ask for money. to be smart, register somewhere anyway. that way you know where the items came from and you can exchange for the cash. :)

3. So start saving up money for it. You have about a year to do it. You'll get money as well as gifts, so just save up for the next year and use whatever money you get without asking. My personal belief is if a couple wants a honeymoon, they should pay for it themselves. There'll probably be people there who can't afford such things, and it's insulting to ask them to help pay for your vacation.
Your question was is there was any way to ask for money without being tacky. We aren't necessarily haters of this topic. Some people don't see anything wrong with asking for money for things one doesn't really need. Some do. IMO, there is no way to ask for money for something one doesn't really need without being tacky.

4. We were in a similar position to you, and we put on the invitations..... that instead of gifts, please donate the money to a certain charity.
We wrote to them all afterwards to inform them of the grand total.
Some people still insisted we needed sheets and stuff though!! :-)
Asking for cash for cash's sake may be a little harder, but the Jewish wedding is all about that isn't it? This may be an angle you can work on.

5. shoot no. go ahead and ask for money. i'm sure your families know you have everthing you need now anyway.

We have our hearts set on a trip to California
We're saving every nickel and dime.
So if you aren't sure what to get for a wedding present
A gift of cash would be just fine

something like that included with the invitations might work for you!!

i plan to use it for my wedding, just saying hawaii !!

6. Actually, on second marriages - gifts are sparse, mostly store gift cards.
So in this day and age, letting your guests know in advance - with the invitation just what you've said to us ... they can purchase Disney park money, gift cards as well as other theme park cards. Some of your friends can call and reserve in your name the reservations at the hotels. Even the hotels have gift certificates available for purchase of whole or partial room accommodation amounts. Call ahead, let the concierce know your plans and then give your guests your reservations numbers and hotel information and their giftings will be applied to the amount.
Best wishes for a great life, and may all your dreams come true.

7. No - there's no way to verbally ask for money without sounding tacky. Just no way around it. You really NEED to register at one place so people have some kind of choice as to where they can buy you a gift if they prefer to do that. I chose Target because they put gift cards on the registry and we ended up getting MANY gift cards which was sooo nice!! We used them for everyday things! I would do a honeymoon registry also where people can purchase activities for the whole family. They can also pitch in for the cost of the hotel and other things. Just research it on the internet - "honeymoon registry"

8. I can't say it any better than the way Natalie did...the poem is a cute idea to include on your invitations, and everyone should know that since you are older, and both have families that you have a lot of stuff, I think it'd be fine to ask for money.

9. No it's tacky. It just looks like a money grab.

If you didn't have the big wedding, you would be able to afford the vacation.

10. If you booked your trip thru a travel agent, check w/them for something along these lines:
a friend of mine, who was basically in the same situation as you as far as not needing ANYTHING else for the home, had booked her honeymoon thru a travel agency. They gave the bride/groom -to-be these little cards to insert with the invitation that basically let people know that "sponsorship" for their trip would be most appreciated in lieu of tangible gifts.

I'm sorry, I forget exactly how it was worded, as this was a few years ago....but as I said, maybe just check w/a travel agency....even if you didn't book it thru one, they may be able to assist you with the wording if they do have those cards.

11. Word of mouth. DO NOT PUT GIFT INFORMATION ON INVITATIONS. As long as you stuck to that you are perfectly within the realms of ettiqute. If you do register for the people that want to give items just don't register for kid's toys. I have seen alot of people who do think that is tacky.

I wouldn't do those honeymoon registries though. Most are a total scam unless your family just really doesn't want to give you cash directly.

I also reccomend registering for Wal-mart and putting gift cards on the registry. I know the items aren't that great but you could use the gift cards to buy groceries and grocery money for the vacation so it would basically be the same. They have a pretty open return policy too.

12. I'd say the best thing to do is use word of mouth. If your family is anything like mine then they will be asking the parents and you and any siblings what you need. You could ask them to explain what you are doing and anything in that regards would be appreciated. I had a cousin get married and when I asked my Aunt what she needed, she said that they were taking an Alaskan cruise and that she had already arranged for a guide on one of their trips and so maybe some extra cash for a different side trip would be nice. I wasn't insulted or thought it tacky because it was approached in a thoughtful, tasteful way.

Good Luck

13. No, tacky is just tacky. And don't get mad if you are asking for opinions! You're getting upset because you KNOW it's wrong what you are thinking of....
It is YOUR responsibility as a couple to pay both for the wedding and for the vacation. You are ADULTS for gosh' sake - why do you think people owe you???

14. People say that it is tacky.

I would prefer someone to tell me what they want/need. If it is someone that has been living together or already married once, I always give cash, b/c I figure they already have what they need.

You know the people that you are inviting. Have a friend or family member spread the word. Don't include that you'd like people to help with the cost of vacation. No one needs to know what you are doing with the money.

Congrats on your wedding.
Again, I would rather KNOW what the person wants so that I can give them what they needed.

15. It is soooo easy to get a honeymoon registry without looking tacky!

www.theknot.com/planning/ registries

Now, to ask for money straight up on an invite would be way too tacky. That sort of thing needs to be spread by word of mouth! CONGRATS!!

16. It is tacky to ask your guests for a monatary gift. Forget it. Just hope for the best. In the year 2007 more and more people are giving money instead of wedding gifts. Years ago, there was no such thing as a bridal shower, engagement party...people did not have money, so when they got married, people gave household gifts. Now it is a different story. But to ask for money, so you can go on vacation, that is a big NO NO. Not classy at all.

17. Asking for money is just always tacky there is no way to avoid that but if you are comfortable with a honeymoon registry that is really your best option. Just break up the increments to what people would normally pay for wedding gifts in i.e. 25, 50, 75, 100 and a few 10 and 15 if you like.

18. One way to do this is to not register anywhere. Most people will probably just give money that way. Another way is word of mouth from others like family. Many family members ask immediate family what you'll want/need and immediate family can drop hints about the vacation or new house and see if they bite. Also, you can actually register for the vacation and see if that works out. Other than that, I don't think you can outright say you want money and have it not be tacky and rude.

Have a great life and happy marriage and Good luck!! :)

19. It would be tacky to put in the invitation "cash gifts pnly please" to not put any registry info and have family and friends spread the word when people ask where you're registered that you would prefer money is not tacky.... There will still be some people who will get you gifts, but let's hope if you don't like them you can return them! ;-)

20. LOL-
Maybe your parents will pay for the vacation too after all you're their little princess. You've been married twice already between you and have 4 kids.

Don't have the wedding and save a lot of money. Let's see 100 people and you'll spend what $20 a head? That's $2,000. You probably won't make that much.