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Confusing ? about my parents and divorce! PLEASE HELP!?

OK so I'm 17 and for some reason every body I know tells me their personal secrets, even my parents! And yesterday when I was in the car with my mom she told me that she fell in love with someone and that her and my dad were getting a divorce! My parents love each other and they have been together for 20 yrs but my dad is a home loving person and my mom loves adventure so it sometimes makes my mom feel depressed that she doesn't go explore the world and stuff, but my parents have always been able to overcome this and everything else! Then I found out that this guy was playing on her emotions and had con'd her into loving him saying that he traveled the world and telling her about his sad life and stuff. So then later my dad told me that he talked to this guy and that him and my mom weren't getting a divorce and that they were going on a vacation and working thing out. But now this is all I can think about! I feel sad and kinda lost and I know I should talk to them about this-
but I can't and I don't think it will really help, just open the wound even wider. I have a really hard time talking about my feelings and emotions and when my mom told me this I cried with her which is a big deal for me because I don't cry! And I don't want to feel sad like this anymore or feel like they could still get a divorce. I love my parents and I'm ot mad at either of them and I don't want anyone to think bad of my mom she has went through a lot in her life and she gets depressed and bored with life a lot. I'm not mad at them but I kinda still feel a little angry over the whole thing and that I promised not to tell any of my sisters so I have no one to talk to about this. Is this feeling going to go away in time or am I always going to be feeling this in the back of my mind and how do I stop these feelings! Thank you all so much and I know that its a lot to ask but can you star this please I need a little cheering up!

Public Comments

1. You should tell your parents how you feel. it's kinda confusing not knowing what's going on

2. it sounds pretty normal. they are a couple with issues and they are trying to work it out. what is strange for you is probably that your parents are now treating you as an adult and sharing these personal tidbits of information that you may or may not want to hear about. your relationship with them is changing because of your age.

i completely understand. sometimes i feel like i'm the parent dealing with my parents.

and being the oldest, i have to be the sounding board for both of them.

just take a step back and know there is nothing you can do. tell them both you love them very much and want them to be happy. that is all you can do. stop worrying about things you cannot fix.

3. Sit them both down and tell them what this is doing to you. I am a parent and knowing what my behavior is doing to my kids would be a major wake up call. I don't know of any parent who willingly upsets their child. My guess is they don't realize what this has done to you.

4. Sounds to me, like your parents are getting back on the right path!! Best wishes to all of you!!

5. This is a horrible thing to have happened to you. This should have been kept private between your parents until they had reached a decision one way or the other.

I think you should talk to your parents about how they put you in a very confusing predicament. I also suggest that you and your parents seek family counseling to sort through all of this.

6. All relationships have their give and take and its ups and downs. It looks like your mom does want to work it out with your dad or else she wouldn't go on this vacation with your dad. I am sure he doesn't want to lose her. And after 20 years I am sure your mom got swept up in the feeling of something new with somebody. She just needs to stay focused to what is important to her.

This has nothing to do with you at all. Remember that. It is soley between your mom and dad. Try to have them remember that marriage is hard work and that it is a give and take. Let them know that when they took their vows it was forever...for better and worse. It was a promise to love each other until the end.

7. This is so crazy I went threw a simular experience with my parents when I was 17 to. My mom told me she was having an affair and blah blah im not going into detail becuase this is about you just wanted you to know I can relate.... neways back to you yes you should talk to your parents there are somethings they shouldnt tell you. Explain to them how you are feeling and that it isnt fair to you for them to involve you in there problems or grown up converstaions. Its making you feel lost and sad becuase the last thing any child wants to think about is her parents divorcing. The reality is they need to let you be a teenager and keep those conversations between them. They dont need to tell you those things. If you need advice or want to know how I handled it you can email me. I just wanted this answer to be about you. Hang in there darlin' things will get better in time.

8. Talk to them about it. After all, they discussed it with you initially right. Just ask them what is going on. Let them take their vacation, and hopefully they can work things out. Maybe this "con man" was a blessing in disguise. It may be the Eye Opener both your parents needed to realize how much they Do really love each other. Hope things work out!! Good Luck !!

9. Wow, sounds like a lot going on. You have a right to be confused and upset about the whole situation.

It sounds like your parents are trying to work it out. I don't think your mom wants a divorce because she doesn't love you or your dad. She's missing a little extra something and she was looking in the wrong spot.
Everyone makes mistakes. We are human and we all have emotions, feeling and thoughts that may not make sense to others no matter how old we are.

Be there for your dad. Be there for your mom. And even though you have mixed feelings about this, your parents don't have mixed feelings about you. Let them work it out and be strong for your family. Good luck!

10. try to get them together and you need to talk about your feelings and the consequences of their actions, the effects on you from their decisions. 20 years is a long time and they need to overcome this phase. Thats what it sounds like, and phases do pass. The new man mom has sounds too good to be true. Not to be mean, but if a guy does travel the world and has an adventerous life, he prbably would have a different wife, like a super pretty, single model. I'd bet if your mom said she likes cooking, he would probly say he was a chef or sumthing. You've probly heard this b4 but i'll tell you anyways.

Its not your fault, and you are not an innocent bystander. Get involved. You are 17 and very mature. Best of luck i know it sucks. My mom and dad were together for 10 years and split i know it sucks

11. That's a difficult situation you're in; I'm sorry you have this to deal with. You're right; you have to discuss this with them. You might begin by simply saying to them both that you are concerned and upset about this situation, and you'd like to talk about it with them. It needs no more embellishment than that. It will be a difficult conversation for all of you, I think; but it's better than living with this uncertainty and possible upheaval. I wish you strength to deal with this in the way you must.

12. It's too bad that you were told of your mother's indiscretion. Everyone is human and because of that we all screw up sometimes. You should talk with someone like a psychologist and be honest with them about your thoughts and emotions. You are a young lady and should not have this fester in your mind for the rest of your life. Get help and enjoy life Honey before you know it you'll be looking back at this experience as a lesson but don't let it control your every thought.